New Moon INSIGHT
INSIGHT on Receiving
Last Sunday, I had the gift of sitting down for an interview with my 92-year-old mom, Lorraine.
Something intriguing surfaced at the end of the interview as Lorraine answered my final question. The question was: When you look back at your life and consider all the wisdom you have gained, what advice do you have for this community?
She briefly shared how important it is to be honest and kind to others and how much she values things like gratitude and generosity. As she was exploring a bit about giving, she made a brief comment that almost seemed to slip through: 'I tell you, it's a lot easier to give than to receive.'
The moment struck me. It was a powerful mirror. I saw something in her that reflected something in myself—the struggle to receive.
Having just spent the last year aiming to heal myself from cancer, a fundamental shift that took place early on was the recognition of how uncomfortable I was with receiving.
While I was skilled at doing for others for decades as a teacher and mentor and, more recently, as a CEO and INSIGHT Facilitator, a deep-seated pattern still suppressed my ability to receive.
Over the first few months of treatment, I made it my practice to pay attention to my relationship with receiving. As I slowed down and gave myself time to be with the arising thoughts and feelings, they began dissolving and revealing deeper layers. An unconscious holding that undergirded it all started to release. To my surprise, what surfaced out of that holding were deep feelings of shame.
Asking for support over the past year wasn't easy because I first had to reconcile my embarrassment about needing support. But I could tell there was something beneath that resistance that I was avoiding.
Applying the tool of INSIGHT, which involves slowing down, breathing with, and meditating on our feelings, I could discern that what I was experiencing wasn't embarrassment about needing support.
Embarrassment was almost like a front, helping mask powerful feelings of fear and shame. When I allowed those feelings space, they revealed a connection to the part of my heart still suffering from the loss of my father at eight years old.
My coping mechanism as a child was to forge a self-identity around not needing anyone or any support. Nothing could have been further from the truth then; it certainly wasn't true now.
As I received immunotherapy treatment, I'd meditate, open myself up to this network of feelings, and hover my awareness over this frozen part of my heart. It was a part stuck in a moment from the past and signaling a false message in the present.
The key was in that language—not needing anyone. I had to ask myself, is this really true? Is this how I feel? As my heart started to thaw in the light of my listening, an obvious answer emerged from under that frozen protective layer: I needed and wanted help, and it was time for me to open up, ask for it, and learn to receive it.
The notion of not needing support was my wound talking, not my present self. My present self chose to open, allow, and invite in.
And when the rubber met the road, as I started to receive the outpouring of love and support from thousands of people, I had to meet myself in those uncomfortable places. I had to nurture the part of myself that was afraid or unwilling to open.
Thankfully, I was willing to allow those old notes of shame and fear to see the light of day and air out. That openness enabled me to move through them.
Allowing for my feelings was a critical first step in learning to love them. Allowing is itself an act of love. This action opened a channel through which I began to let all the love and support I received make its way into my heart.
That is, in part, how I healed stage four cancer.
Sundays With Lorraine Part One
Meeting Life’s Challenges Well + The Power of Gratitude + Learning to Receive
New Moon INSIGHT In Practice
On this new moon, if it feels like the right moment to go inward, start by examining your relationship with receiving. Over the next couple of weeks, observe your responses when you are offered help or support. How do you react when you're called to receive?
When someone offers you help, do you automatically say, 'No, no, that is ok, I got it.' Maybe the fact is that you do have it, but maybe there is also a part that could really use the help but doesn't want to ask.
If you want to look even deeper, contemplate receiving in relation to love. It's a big question, but if you're open to it and it feels worthwhile, ask yourself: what is my relationship to receiving love?
The channel of the heart goes in both directions, like a river that flows from the source to the sea and back again. Each path needs attention. For this new moon cycle offer your attention and intention to receiving love.
Perhaps it's as simple as carving out thirty minutes for yourself on a Sunday morning—just to sit and be. Or maybe it's about giving yourself permission to rest and practicing the art of receiving your own invitation.
It could be taking a small step toward opening your heart to receive something bigger in your life, your work, or your relationships. When you sit with it, what is that one small step?
You might also passively ponder it while watching my mom and me discuss it in real-time during her interview. If you watch, please add any comments to the conversation. Your insights and perspectives are invaluable.
Stumbling into this IG Live with my mom was like finding a treasure chest.
Sundays with Lorraine Part One is in the can, and to both my mom and my surprise, so much was revealed. We discussed meeting challenges well, the power that the feeling of gratitude holds, and how sometimes it takes more work to receive than to give.
We are talking about doing Part II sometime in the coming months. Next time, we will let you know about it before it happens!
Thank you again for being a part of this community. I hope you can watch the interview, and I look forward to all that unfolds for you as you connect to your relationship with receiving and the art of giving and receiving love.
I'm eager to hear your reflections and insights. Your thoughts are an integral part of this conversation.
With love,
Kevin